


A life you never had

by horrorriz



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Closeted Character, Denial of Feelings, F/F, Lesbian Character, Mention of Death, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 07:08:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17844749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horrorriz/pseuds/horrorriz
Summary: Upon seeing Liz return to Roswell, Isobel seeing the familiar features in her face, finds herself remembering a life she had done her best to deny ever even happened the last decade.





	A life you never had

**Author's Note:**

> I just had this thought around episode 3-4 that there seemed to be something not spoken aloud to why Rosa was so angry with Isobel, and an explanation why Isobel constantly try so hard to live up to this act of a perfect woman both in marriage and society. 
> 
> This is my first Roswell fic so please keep that in mind and I hope you'll enjoy. Consider comment and kudos if you like it and want me to write more?
> 
> (this is not beta read)

It wasn’t fair. That’s the first thought she had when she realized Rosa was dead. _It’s not fair!_ She was supposed to get better, to do something with that charismatic personality of hers. Built a life, maybe with her…  
Isobel sighed.  
It was too late now. If she would have ever considered coming out, to live a life in the open together with the woman she had loved so much she thought her world would shatter  —which it certainly ended up doing, it would have been with her.  
That was a lifetime ago, at least it felt like that. Then why did looking into Liz’s eyes feel like a portal back in time? Why did it make her heart take another skip because if only for a split second, she thought she saw Rosa instead?  
This… That, was over before it even started. Nothing could bring her back, which is why it hurt all the way more now. All those years of repressed feelings and grief never explored coming back all at once, hitting her like a train wreck on the way to nothingness.  
  
Isobel pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes, trying to suppress the stubborn tears from not ruining her makeup. A lost battle, naturally.  
  
Next she knew the familiar sound of keys turning in the front door set her into panic. She took a swift, last breath in attempt to recollect herself and wiped her eyes clean the best she could. Why bother? He was gonna see her otherwise flawless makeup all smudged and ruined anyway, he would know. So what could she say? Surely not the truth…  
  
“Izzy?”, Noah called as he closed the door behind him, looking at the lights obviously still being on. “Are you awake?”  
  
Here goes nothing.  
  
She stood up from her position in the couch, turning to face the front door and her… Husband.  
“Yes.”, she simply said with a more collected tone than she had anticipated.  
  
“It’s late, you have that event tomorrow… Why are you not in bed baby?”  
  
“Oh you know… I couldn’t just take my mind off how... “ She needed an excuse, _now._ Event… The air force charity… She lit up for a fraction of a second before falling back into her furrowed expression. Acting, was something she had learnt to do well over the years. Rosa had always picked on her for how transparent she was… Look at her now.   
She rapidly shifted the thought away, focus!  
“...Those poor war heroes. How they have offered everything, from their lives to lost limbs just to serve our beautiful country.” She gave a vague proud smile, eyes still glossy from her earlier cry. Something that would only add to the effect in this instance.  
  
“Oh… Oh Izzy… Come here.” Noah held out his arms and offered the warm comfort of his embrace which Isobel allowed her to fall into.  
  
Familiar, safe… Lies!  
  
Isobel’s eyes blinked wide from the sudden memory of Rosa’s voice. From that time, that last time.  
They had fought, of course. Rosa wanted her to stop keeping her in the dark, stop hiding their relationship. That she was tired of the pretending and the lies.  
Oh if she had only known the weight of the lies she carried, she was a better pretender than Rosa could have ever imagined.  
  
She had thought of telling her, once. They had been sitting on the rooftop of the bar, something that Rosa had said used to be hers and DeLuca’s thing. She had put her fingers to her lips and made a shushing sound before pulling in Isobel for kiss so mind blowing that she had felt herself melting into her. Opening up her mind to the girl of her dreams, to show her just how much she loved her.The sudden sounds of a rumble downstairs in the bar had cut their kiss short and left Isobel standing dumbfounded on the roof as Rosa ran down to check on her best friend and sister.  
She, Max and Michael had promised to never tell anyone about their secret, and when she realized how close she had been to doing exactly that. Blinded by _love_ of all things. Love was fleeting, short and shallow. Family was for life, especially with the bond she shared with her siblings. She felt awful, guilty to say the least. Which is when she decided to close herself off, not to let herself feel so deeply that she almost accidentally not only exposed herself, but her family as well —her everything.  
That’s what she had told herself. She had been wrong, of course. And now she had to pay the price. Love was worth more than that, oh what irony she married someone she didn’t really love. Just another part of her well polished facade of a normal human woman.  
  
  
Noah had noticed her silence but shrugged it off as her still being upset, perhaps tired at that. Although he could not shake the feeling there was more to it, a thought he more often than not had found creeping up in the back of his mind as of late.  
Isobel was his wife for christ’s sake, surely if something bigger was in the works, on her mind. She would tell him?  
  
“I think you’re right, I just need to get some sleep and everything will go fine tomorrow.” Isobel broke the hug and brushed the back of her hand over Noah’s cheek in a affectionate manner.  
_Lies_ , Rosa’s voice echoed again. Lies, facades, acts and pretending. That was her life now, and would continue to be so.  
  
“Alright. I just need to wash up and I’ll come join you in bed? Don’t bother staying awake for my sake, I’ll just tip toe my way into the room. You need your beauty sleep if you’re gonna stand there looking all pretty for those _heroes_ tomorrow.”, he teased, already on his way to the bathroom.  
  
“Oh don’t worry, the only one I’ll be looking at is you. For you will be there, right?”  
  
“Of course my love.”, he winked.  
  
_Lies_. Dark, black and hollow. Staining her heart and soul with patches of wretched ink she couldn’t wash away. Mixing into her bloodstream, red turning darken and fueling her body with the man made truths that was starting to run so deep that she almost believed them herself at times.  
He could never know, just as she never could, never would have the chance to anymore now.  
  
Perhaps this is what she deserved? Isobel thought.  
For hurting the woman she love, for her to die thinking that all she was to Isobel was a hush hush secret not worth to give the world. But she would, oh she would have. She’d given her the universe. She would have shown her things she never could have imagined and she wanted to look into that beautiful mind of hers and see the grace in its whole.  
  
She never had, because she was afraid what she might see would have made her fall even deeper. Unable to climb up the black hole covered by rose bushes, thorns digging deep into her skin and making her bleed. Drops of black mixed with red running out, the lies finally floating away. To be replaced by the bright, ruby color of a _rose._

 


End file.
